Thursday, September 05, 2002

Open Diary Open Heart Open Mind

Something i re-discovered while sorting old files on my notebook...

Honesty- Keeping this Diary Open

I have a self-challenging idea- maybe I should keep an open diary. Open in the sense that I put it up on the net for all to see. Really open in the sense that I even let my friends know about this diary, and that the protagonist is me. It is challenging because I will be writing honestly about my thoughts, both good and bad ones. I'd always wanted to keep no hidden agenda from the world- always wanted to be brutally frank and secret free to the world, wishing the world to be brutally frank to me in return. Afterall, is honesty not truthfulness? There are few things more precious than it as an attitude to the world.

On second thought, keeping an open diary might not be too good an idea. I couldn't be writing all about myself alone- I would be writing about my interactions with friends too. It wouldn't be fair to them if I were to openly voice out my thoughts on them to others if they were negative. Immediately upon writing this line, I scrolled upwards to alter the ???'s name to Lynn. Yes- Zeph is not my real name too. But I will be honest in this diary. And as a disclaimer, may I add that sometimes this diary is semi-fictitious with some characters that do not correspond to those in my real life. These characters exist because they had been a part of my writing life for some time. I call these friends my Frens. I will let you decide where non-fiction ends and where fiction begins.

So I guess a world with total brutal honesty is a brutal world, even though it is utterly honest. May I be not brutally honest only in the order to not be brutal. Tactless undisguised honesty is pure fact and reason- too raw to taste for many. May I season it with just enough compassion without becoming hypocritical. The sad fact is that there are people who are not frank with themselves, even in their diaries- where they rationalise their beliefs and actions without evaluating the truth and morality behind them. I shall try my best to steer clear of these trappings- that can be so subtle when the mind is unclear, when the mind can trick itself into rationalising that it is not rationalising! I just have to remember this- the biggest victim of rationalisation will always be me- more than anyone else.

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